Stuck in the Middle

Not so long ago, I used to be a very politically charged person.

Well, let me qualify, because I think there is a difference between politically charged and obsessed.  I used to obsessed about politics, and about submitting to some kind of political ideology that would hopefully define me as a person.  This was the reason I wanted to come to D.C.  I wanted to get a journalism degree so I could hound people in the Capital and fully immerse myself in the rough and tumble world of U.S. politics.  In a way, being political was probably supposed to define me, or something.


These days, whether its by apathy or a greater perspective, I cant bring myself to care less about any sort of political ideology or party affiliation.  I think as politics became less important to me I started caring less about having to call myself anything.  Right now, I call myself a moderate, and the results of it really interest me.

The thing I find most interesting about being a moderate is that you either cause gentle cooperation from both sides or intense hatred, and there doesn't seem to be any sort of middle ground.  Though both sides can agree with you, it also means both sides disagree with you.  So, tentatively, as a Democrat, you only have to defend yourself against Republicans, but a moderate gets to defend himself against everyone.

Why is there such a disincentive in our society to be in the middle?  As a society, we have invented alot of pejorative terms for people who are in the middle: wishy washy, waffler, lukewarm, half-ass.  As humans, I think we tend to want to see things in black and white, because, lets face it, things like politics are alot easier to deal with if you have one giant rubric that you judge everything from.  The harder path is to see the middle ground in political conflicts and be able to put yourself out there in saying that both sides are true and false at the same time.

I, personally, wouldn't apply this to all things (though many do), because I believe in universal truth.  I believe there is good and evil, which is why I want to qualify myself and say that I think there are some things that no one should be in the middle about.  I dont think its good to be a "moderate" about sex trafficking, slavery, fascism, or (to be controversial. hehe.) something like abortion.  These are issues that demand action, and therefore demand a firm resolve in your thinking about them.  I once heard it explained that people have two hands, one is open and the other is firmly closed.  Each hand represents the beliefs you have, and in the open hand you have the beliefs you're willing to let go, and in the firm hand the beliefs you aren't.

I guess my main beef with politics is that, furthering the analogy, people seem to put the most insignificant things in their closed hands, and are unwilling to compromise.  For instance, conservative bug me because they cant seem to ever accept that maybe health care reform isnt such a bad idea, and that paying some extra taxs isnt so terrible.  Liberals annoy me because they cant seem to ever accept that Keynsian spending programs are not a cure all, and never truly further any free-market reforms like Tort Reform.

So whats the solution?  I leave you with a simple saying, what my pastor told me long ago:

"Govern from the middle."

~Jared

Joy and All of His Friends

"When we are such as He can love without impediment, we shall in fact be happy." - The C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

(I usually dont discuss religion or spirituality here, but whatever.  its my blog anyways)

Got back from Spain last night.  Quite honestly, the whole experience was amazing, but I sometimes wonder if it all really happened.  Waking up on the return flight to Madrid, I half-imagined that the whole thing was just a dream I had.  I dreamed the people, the place, and the lessons I learned.  Waking up, I descend back into the bowels of everyday life, which never seems to lack depression, pain, and defeat.

Dream or no dream, I feel the most content knowing that I learned things there.  My expectations going there were mostly that I was going to speak Spanish alot, but surprisingly every time I opened my mouth I felt like my speech was impeded, almost as if I wasnt supposed to be speaking, but just observing.  My arrogance wasnt enough that the Hound of Heaven wasnt pursuing me still.  and he caught me this time, because Joy exists.

In college, I have suffered from some of the most intense depression of my life.  There have been days at American where I didnt feel like getting up again, where I wanted freedom from the endless waves of despair and misery that would come over my life.  For me, happiness is a foreign concept, but joy is the most foreign.

Praise God, I have hope these days, and I can muddle through the crazy depression of college with my sanity intact.  I learned what David meant when he said "I wake again, because the LORD sustains me."  In the past, I often prayed for death everytime I went to sleep.  Praise God, I start seeing every day, every sunrise, as a miracle, since every day is another day I'm alive.  Its a perspective that keeps me alive and full of hope, but it doesnt necessarily involve having joy in your life.  Sometimes it impedes it.  Still, I purge away happiness and Joy from my life.  I dont understand it, and most of all I dont feel I deserve it.  I didnt even know what it could look like

In Spain, I actually saw what it looked like, and I saw that it was attainable.  I met people who had it, but even had it in such a way that it was contagious, like it was a thing that couldnt be content with staying on one person, but busied itself with spreading to any person it came in contact with.  After 7 months of on and off depression, I have gotten used to heaviness of heart, but on the wall of a dead Moorish castle, looking at all of Granada, I felt it lift.  For the first time in a long time, I laughed for no reason it all.

Now, I still live in the basement of McDowell, and I still experience depression, but I see the little things alot clearer now.  I'm getting the bravery to smile on a sunny day, or laugh at the simple things in life.  For me, having joy is learning to walk, learning to breath, and maybe the hardest thing I have to do.  But these days I'm becoming ok with the idea of having it in my life, and pursuing it.  Its out there, and thats reason enough.

~Jared

Wisdom From Calvin

Saw this on a buddy's facebook, had to post it.

"I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!"

I read this so many times as a kid, but college taught me how true it really was.

Right on, Calvin

~Jared