What a person I am

Its 1:30 am and I feel very personal right now, mostly because im running out of time.

In two days, im going to American University, to the city that will likely be my home for the next 5+ years of my life, and to do my best impression of someone that likes meeting new people, or new people in general. Someone told me I needed to open up to the people there. That sounds strange considering I can barely open up to people ive known for a year. What a person I am.

Considering the prospective future I find myself on the brink of, I am facing some of the worst parts of my personality, notably my knack for wanting to shove people I love as far away from me as possible. The fact that I care about them makes me want to shove them away, and the fact that they might care about me scares me to death. Why would I rather shove them away then love them more than I ever have? What a shitty person I am.

I can't type another word. it would only be more useless self loathing tripe. all I really want to say is that i'm sorry. i wish I wasnt like this, but you know by now, Ive never been an easy person.

sorry.

~Jared