Insomnia

I can't sleep...

What even causes insomnia? Whenever I get insomnia, my mind starts running a million miles per minute, inventing crazy stories and adventures. Almost like dreaming, except wide awake. What does it all mean? Does it mean anything at all? The only things that come to my mind are questions, trying to explain the workings of my own mind.

Theres been so much death around me recently. Nobody I have personally known has died, but I know a lot of people who have friends that have died. Not to mention the fact that Valentines Day just passed, the day of the largest number of suicides and a recent school shooting. Where has the world gone? Where are we going? Where am I going?

Sometimes I feel like I want to be Jack Kerouac and drive across the country. Actually, I think I would like to drive across Mexico, from border to border. Just take three years of my life to not worry about a job or anything else, and just travel. See for myself the world I am haunted by everyday and want to be a part of, hitting my head against the wall until the day that I finally get to get to the other side. If I do, I'm sure it will make an awesome book.

I would be really afraid that I would live a boring life if I didn't know that God knew I loved adventure. I remember the days me and my siblings would read Peter Pan, dreaming and pretending to have adventures in the backyard. I think theres still a part of the little kid in me.

The playa haters today say that nobody gets to be an astronaut when they grow up, and you have to be realistic. I hate it when people say that. How on earth do you know if God's going to place you in the United States or make you an astronaut or send you to some Amazon tribe that doesnt speak your language? Thats the whole adventure in itself. Just following Christ and seeing where you end up. And then when it comes time to leave the earth, you can finally see that life was not nearly as confusing as you thought it was. You'd finally see that everything in your life had a meaning, and that God finally brought the whole adventure of your life full circle. To dust you came, to dust you return.

Ordinarily, I would try and bring this post to full circle, but I'm too tired to try.

You can figure the ending out for yourself...

~Jared