Faith Like A Child

Sorry for everyone that has been waiting for a new blog entry. Here it is.
I was in Los Guido today, as I am every single Saturday, doing the kids service in the morning. There are two boys in particular that I have been seeing every Saturday that I have gotten to hang out with a lot, and it always surprises me how much kids will attach to people that just love them. I’ve been to children’s homes and among different groups of street kids in Mexico and I experience the same thing. Some kids just seem like they are dying to be loved.
There was one boy I remember in particular from the children’s home I went to in Mexico. Most of the kids in these children’s homes are sent there because they are orphans or their parents can’t take care of them, or even because some of them have been sexually abused. One boy there was there because his mother couldn’t take care of him, and his mother had busied herself with having a boyfriend. In the end, his mother had come up to him and told him “I don’t love you.” After that he attempted suicide two times. Luckily he found help, or help found him, in time. Some are just dying to be loved.
Today, I saw something amazing. At the park where we were meeting, I saw the boy I had been hanging out with accept the sacrifice Christ made and alter his own destiny. Many would tell me that hes been pressured by the circumstances of his child hood, or peer pressured, but there is something I will never be able to explain in the way a child looks when he prays. Its faith and sincerity that can put any adult to shame. I love it. I want to see that every single day.


~Jared

My new love for country and soccer

On Tuesday I went to my first futbol game ever. I can say with all certainty that I am a changed man now. I’ve never been into watching sports, but watching a live futbol game is like nothing you have ever experienced. It is three times better than any sport we have in the United States. People have wondered why I, as a member of the male species, don’t enjoy watching sports. Well, turns out I was just in the wrong country.

In Costa Rica, we have two futbol teams that really matter: La Liga and Saprissa. In the villa, most all the staff are fans of Saprissa, so many people joke that if you want to succeed in the GAP program, go for Saprissa. On Thursday, I saw them play D.C. United and they tied 2-2 :(. It was kind of dangerous being a gringo and being there, but luckily I was wearing my insurance.

Other things, spanish class is a little boring, its done good to go over basics again. Yesterday I had to try and explain direct object pronouns to the class. I will never be a teacher.

The church I have been assigned to us is a place called Los Guidos, which is one of the barrios (poor areas) of San Jose. Most of the people the live there are nicaraguans who are illegal, and build their houses in this giant hole because the government cant bulldoze them there. Its very much like the situation we have in Los Estados Unidos, and many of the ticos (Costa Ricans) are very unwelcoming to them, because some of them dont work and they are all illegal (sound familiar?)

I am amazed by the pastor of my church there, Pastor Gabriel. When we were driving through Los Guidos, one of the poorest places in San Jose where everything seemed most desolate, he turned to me and all he said was "Es tierra santa" (its holy earth). I wish I had the heart this man had for the poor places of the earth. He was telling me that he and his wife prayed that God would send them to the place that no one else wanted to go, and they wound up in Los Guidos. Its amazing.

Today ill be there all day, doing the childrens meeting in the morning and going to youth group at night (which usually doesnt happen because its so dangerous at night in Los Guidos).

I will leave you with some u2 lyrics, of which I have been listening to as of late. They really speak to my heart.

"And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring...
And love is not the easy thing...
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on...
Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on"



~Jared

It was rainy today. It is most days here. Although today was different. Today I think I finally got perspective.

It came today in Bible class. Today we were talking about the theory of dispensations, a way of sort of dividing the Bible into differing ways that God has treated mankind. Making the Bible a sort of story book.

I came to this place, Costa Rica, to find rest, to find a fresh start, a solace from all my troubles. Unfortunately, it hasn’t quite been that. I’ve found opportunities, and I’ve also found dead ends. I’ve found healing, and I’ve found heartbreak. I’ve found friends, and I’ve lost friends. I’ve been found by some, lost by others. I’ve never felt more alone, and I’ve never felt so alive.

But is this how the story ends? Does my story end with the dispensation of loss, the dispensation of change? Certainly not.

As I looked at the rain falling outside the classroom, I became aware of a story that has long been going on, and has yet to come to a conclusion. The biggest love story in history. A story of innocence, of loss, of tears, of break up, of heart break, of sacrifice, and of a love that never fails. The story that is being spun, and played by thousands of characters over all eternity.

And if that story hasn’t ended, then it doesn’t seem like mine will either. Ive had to re evaluate my priorities, and now I realize my story is just beginning. Despite the hard times in my life right now, I can hear in the back of my head, an utterance of heaven:

“Little did he know…”

Oh, little do I know. But of the little I do know, I know one thing. Theres much to be done before my part in the story comes to a close, until my happily ever after finally comes.

Until the last chapter, I forever remain

~Jared

Estoy Aqui

Just arrived in Costa Rica yesterday. Internet time is limited, so I have to make this blog quick. Ordinarily I write them out ahead of time, but I havnt had much time this morning, so this must suffice.

So far, the weather is amazing. Its about mid 70s to low 80s here, and its surprisingly clear so I have an awesome view of the mountains surrounding San Jose. Although I think we're expecting rain later this afternoon. The day is still young. I will have to post pictures of it later.

Today, we're supposed to do more orientation as well as walk around the city a bit. I dont start classes until next tuesday, so Im very glad I have a little time to get adjusted to the culture before I settle into a routine.

Right now, the monumental task ahead of me is finding a music store to buy my guitar. If some of you didnt know, it became to expensive to bring mine down here so I decided on buying one here and keeping it down here. I am going through a few music withdrawls, so hopefully I will survive until then.

In the meantime, please feel free to e-mail me. I would love to hear from you guys. jaredphutchins@gmail.com

~Jared

The Breaking Down of Flesh and Blood

The Olympics being on TV for the past few weeks has gotten me thinking about a few things. Namely, it has me thinking about an aspect of mankind that I have been extremely detached from, being mostly unconcerned with both playing sports and watching them.

However, as bored as I am watching the Super Bowel and wondering when they'll stop throwing the piece of leather around and get to the halftime music, I cant help but get riled up when watching my school's volleyball game. Its a part of myself I'm not very in touch with, but it comes out nonetheless.

But why? What is it about sports that can tweak us emotionally?

Then I start thinking about war. Its the same thing in a lot of ways. There are two teams, often both of them are trying to achieve a similar objective, and the clashing of these two teams often causes a split between people. You have some rooting for one team, another rooting for the other team, both want to see their team succeed. It gets both sides emotionally involved with the outcome.

Bot obviously there has to be a difference, right? War often has values driving it, whereas sports if for the simple enjoyment of competition. So, in a way, maybe you could say sports is what you would get if you took all the ideologies out of it, leaving just the thrill of battle and victory. The concept of competitive sports comes from our simple desire to battle.

But where is our desire to battle directed? Against other people? I don't think so. We're not really fighting against each other. What always interested me was the many armistices that happened on Christmas during World War I. Those times always made me think of a football game, where there is fierce competition between the players during game time, but are completely okay with going out for a drink with the other team after the games over. After all, its just a game, right? No reason they cant be friends. I wonder if alot of soldiers have the same outlook towards war. War is just a game they have to play, and when its over they still share their humanity.

So what is our battle against? It would have to be something that isn't human, since we have nothing against humans at their core. How could we? We're the same as them. Its as Paul said: our battle isn't against flesh and blood.

Rather, its against ideologies, the basis of war to begin with. Yet why is it in our battle against ideologies, we kill other humans? Are we really defeating these ideologies? Would the ideology of Islam be dead if every Muslim had been killed? Would Christianity die if every Christian was dead? Would Atheism be gone from this earth if we simply killed all Atheists? There is clearly more to an ideology than the earthly form it takes, and so ideologies cannot be defeated by a simple destruction of its earthly representatives. It has to be defeated in the spiritual realm. Only then can the slaves of an ideology be set free instead of killed.

War is the ultimate curse of mankind. A sort of self imposed suicide. We, mankind, all being equal beings, are cursed with the nature of killing our brothers instead of targeting the ideologies that control them. I believe one author referred to it as "breaking the web of lies." As soldiers in the history long battle of evil, we shouldnt be fooled into thinking our battle is against flesh and blood, but rather against the spiritual strongholds that exist within a certain ideology. Only then can we set the captives free instead of killing them.

Thats all.

~Jared

One More Day

one more day to get it right
one more day to stop my right
oh Lord, let me survive this night
one more day

one more day to find a way
one more day to finally say
the words to make your spirit stay
one more day

one more day to stop it all
one more day to break my fall
is all this darkness worth it all?
one more day

one more day is too much to ask
one more day is too hard a task
but tomorrow night I'll finally relax
after one more day

one more day I'm full of fear
if you're out there, I'm still here
Never leave my side. Its clear.
I need one more day.

Just one more day

~Jared

Wounded Stag, Lamb for the Slaughter

I know what I saw.
It is in my mind as well.
Did you see it too?

A wounded stag, a misfit to all
Who cautiously crawled through
Such a frightened world
Where books are buried in sand dunes
And the people that drove by to see
This majestic beast, the people that made
His suffering an amusement, shouting still:
Are you hurt?
No Answer
Are you away from home?
No Answer. A stare from its eyes, silent as the wind,
as forceful as the waves in the surf
Shouting still.
go home
where is your god now?
why has he forsaken you?
go home
stay home
And it still limped on, begging for hope in a newly dead world
Our savior made a break for the last that he knew
Could I be what the stag is?
Hope so pure, pain untainted, knowledge beyond all.

The last thing I saw was when it ran for the ocean
such an abyss that no man can enter, and no man will.
and only the deepest dwell where the waves had swallowed it.
I hope it returns.

I know what I saw.
And I wave farewell to the shore.
No science will explain why the ocean roared
When I followed the stag into the sea.

~Jared

Time: The All Powerful Master, Servant, and Deciever

Ive had a few people tell me that they want to read the essay I wrote for my Senior project, so rather than sending it to a bunch of people Ive just decided to post it for the whole world to see. Basically, I had to choose a topic which I had to look up in different works of literature. My topic was perception of time.

Time is something we experience every single day, whether it is someone asking you if you will be “on time” for an event or watching time “fly by.” We are so familiar with it, but do we really know what it is? As St. Augustine wrote in his work Confessions, “Who can even in thought comprehend it, so as to utter a word about it? But what in discourse do we mention more familiarly and knowingly than time?” (Augustine 93; ch. XI, sec. 17) From this realization, Augustine comes to the most vital and simple question: “What then is time?” This question has survived long past Augustine’s time, and has been considered by thinkers, writers, poets, and even musicians. Throughout history, three different perceptions have come about: time is absolute, time is relative, and time is irrelevant.

“This thing all things devours”

Arguably one of the most prevalent views of time in both philosophical thought and literary writing is the view of time as an absolute force, an all powerful master that controls mankind, a “bloody tyrant” (Shakespeare ln. 2) that destroys all things. From the writings of the early Marcus Aurelius to the lyric writing of musicians such as Roger Waters of Pink Floyd, mankind for years has seen time as an inevitable flow, both affecting all things in its path and refusing to change, despite mankind’s attempts at changing it.

“Motion and changes are continually renewing the world, just as the uninterrupted course of time is always renewing the infinite duration of ages,” writes Marcus Aurelius in his book Meditations (Aurelius 275; bk. VI, sec. 15). Aurelius’s predecessors, thinkers like Aristotle and Plato, almost always saw time as the measurement of motion (Aristotle 298) (Plato 450). Humans alone defined what time was by observing motion. To Aurelius, however, time was not just the observation of change. Instead, time was an “uninterrupted course,” flowing through history. Time was not a perception of humans, but rather a force on its own.

Although Aurelius mentions the renewing nature of the force of time, many writers in later centuries found a much crueler side to the force of time. William Shakespeare in “Sonnet 12” writes:

"And nothing stands but for his scythe to mow/ And yet to times in hope my verse shall stand/ Praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand (Shakespeare 12-14).Rather than renewing, Shakespeare paints time as the grim reaper, mowing down all good things like beauty and youth with his scythe. Another poet and writer, J.R.R. Tolkein, paints time in a similar light in his fantasy novel The Hobbit. One riddle told in the book speaks of “this thing [that] all things devours.” It “slays king, ruins town, and beats high mountain down” (Tolkein 73). The answer to the riddle was, of course, time, a force that devours all things in its path. Centuries later, in the 1960’s, songwriters like Roger Waters still spoke of time’s forcefulness and man’s helplessness to escape its wrath. In their song “Time,” Pink Floyd sang:

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you’re older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death (Pink).

Though we may “run and run to catch up with the sun,” time still passes and brings death to man. From the writings of these poets and authors, time became, in their minds, an indestructible force, devouring the beauty of Shakespeare’s lover and beating down the mountains of Middle Earth.
In fact, time not only became indestructible, but also unchangeable. On the off chance that anyone knew the future, writers maintained that they could not change what will happen because the force of time is unstoppable. This illusion of free will is one of the major themes in Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughter House-Five, a novel about a time traveling World War II veteran. In the book, the main character, Billy Pilgrim, is kidnapped by aliens called Tralfamadorians, who see past, present, and future all at once, rather than from the present time (Vonnegut 27). During his capture, Billy finds out that the universe is destroyed in the future by the pressing of a button on a test engine for a flying saucer. Since the aliens have this foreknowledge, Billy asks them why they do not attempt to stop it from happening. They simply respond that “he has always pressed it, and he always will. We always let him and we always will let him. The moment is structured that way” (Vonnegut 117). To the aliens, the destruction of the universe is inevitable simply because time dictates that it will happen. Since it cannot be changed, it always will happen, despite what anyone does to stop it.

Another example of the view that time can never be changed is in a short story titled “Time Telephone” by Adam Roberts. In the story, scientists find a way to communicate with the past through phone lines. Taking advantage of the technology, people begin warning people in the past of deaths of loved ones and giving tips on stock to invest. However, as Roberts writes, time remains unchanged by their efforts: “Although people warned loved-ones of imminent death and told them which stock to buy, the loved ones still died, and nobody found themselves suddenly rich because their earlier selves had invested more wisely. None of that happened” (Roberts). Despite man’s attempts at changing the past, time was unchanged. Time still devoured. Time still renewed. In the minds of a Roman emperor or a modernist American novelist, time was the all-powerful unchanging force of the universe.

“The Emperor hoped to recreate the beginning of time and called himself The First”

Despite the view of unchanging time being the most popular view for many centuries, the 20^th century gave birth to an altogether different mode of thought: post-modernism. The Columbia Dictionary of Modern Literacy and Cultural Criticism states that a post-modernist is one who “accepts, whether indifferently or with celebration, the indeterminacy of meaning and the decenteredness of existence” (Childers 235). In the same way that post-modernism found indeterminacy in the meaning of existence, it also found indeterminacy in the meaning of time. With the rise of modern thought, time was no longer thought of as a master, but rather a servant. Authors and thinkers began to think of time as relative, and, under this new viewpoint, began to define time for themselves.

In the beginning of the 20^th century, a man named Albert Einstein came up with the theory that would redefine time as relative. In his theory of relativity, Einstein theorized gravitational time dilation, a theory that states that time passes slower in areas of higher gravitational potential (Einstein). This theory has been since validated by many experiments with clocks at higher altitude. The theory did much more than just revolutionize the science field, however. With time itself being redefined as relative, writers and thinkers began to see things much differently. Gone was the notion that time could not be changed. With time as a relative factor, time was a servant to man, not the other way around.

This thought process did not begin in the 20^th century, however. William James in 1890 wrote this about time in his book Principles of Psychology: “Awareness of change is thus the condition on which our perception of time's flow depends” (James 406; ch. XV). Rather than making time its own force, William James theorized that the flow of time is based on human awareness of changes happening, a reference to the thought process of Plato and Aristotle. Thus, time is man’s attempt at explaining changes, and might be different from person to person, much like writer Washington Irving wrote of his character Rip Van Winkle: “for the whole twenty years had been to him but as one night” (Irving 55).

As the thought of relative time crept into the 20^th century, many authors put aside the traditional view of time and redefined time for themselves. One example of man trying to redefine the nature of time is in the short story “No Particular Night or Morning” by Ray Bradbury. The story takes place in a rocket that is flying in the middle of space. Onboard, there is an astronaut named Hitchcock, who, in order to forget memories of his troubled childhood, adopts a unique perspective of time. Time, in his mind, only exists in the present, and the things in the past are dead and unimportant. “I won’t shape what I do tomorrow by some lousy thing I did yesterday,” he comments. “I was never young. Whoever I was then is dead” (Bradbury 168). In order to destroy the memory of his problematic childhood and his parents that he despised, Hitchcock views time as it most conveniences him.

In fact, man’s convenience is most often the driving force for attempts at redefining time. In his essay “The Wall and the Books,” Jorge Luis Borges discusses Emperor Shih Huang Ti of China, who, while building the Great Wall, also burned all the books that had been written about history before him. “Perhaps the Emperor hoped to recreate the beginning of time and called himself The First, in order to be truly the first, and he named himself Huang Ti in order to be in some way Huang Ti, the legendary emperor who invented writing and the compass,” he writes (Borges 67). By destroying all previous knowledge and making himself the first, Shih Huang Ti was attempting to control time and make it serve him. If his people did read books of emperors before him and were reminded of other times, time would work against him. So, in order to define time in his own convenience, he made himself the first by burning all the books before him. As far as the Emperor was concerned, time could be defined however he thought fit.
Ever since a German scientist first launched humanity into the age of relativity, the thinkers and writers of the 20^th century suddenly found freedom. No longer were they subject to the theory that time was their master. Now, they were the masters. Time was enslaved to their perception of it, and time could no longer hold the power to destroy. Time was theirs.

“Time goes by, and man perceives it not.”

Although these two conflicting views of relative time and absolute time have been the prevailing theories, another view point still exists. Rather than using the physical world to perceive time, this view uses the supernatural world and the idea of eternity to perceive what time is. By taking into account the idea that there is an eternal God and that we will live in eternity, time can be summed up in one single word: irrelevant. In the scope of eternity, time is just man’s narrow view of his circumstances and is irrelevant to our existence.

One area of study in which this view is most prevalent is in theology. Thomas Aquinas, a famous theologian, discusses the meaning of eternity and time in his book Summa Theologica. In question ten, he theorizes that time measures the succession of movement, putting it in categories of before and after. However, since eternity has no beginning and no end, there is no before or after to measure. “As therefore the idea of time consists in the numbering of before and after in movement; so likewise in the apprehension of the uniformity of what is outside of movement, consists the idea of eternity,” says Aquinas (Aquinas 41; q. X, art. 1, obj. 6). Since eternity is immutable, human perception of time becomes completely irrelevant. Other teachings in Christianity support this view. In his second epistle, Peter reminds believers that “with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day” (The Holy Bible, 2 Peter 3:8). In the perspective of eternity, measurements like days and years have little meaning.

Another work that deals with eternity from a theological perspective is The Divine Comedy, a fictional journey that the Italian poet Dante Alighieri takes through Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven. In his journey, Dante meets a myriad of characters from history, including Helen of Troy, Julius Caesar, and Pope Nicholas III. In Hell, many characters that have lived before Dante’s time call out to him, asking him to tell their friends and families of their fate. Being in eternity, the denizens of Hell have no sense of the present time in which Dante comes from. “Of your world in its present state, we have no evidence,” one soul says (Dante 14; “Inferno,” Canto X, ln. 96-97). “Therefore, when a thing is heard or seen which may hold the soul intently turned to it, the time goes by, and the man perceives it not,” Dante writes of Purgatory. (Dante 57; “Purgatory,” Canto IV, ln. 11). Since Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven are the three eternities that all people in history are assigned to, time no longer has any meaning, yet the inhabitants are still deceived by their previous notion of time.

Kurt Vonnegut also illustrates how a human’s notion of time can be decieving in his novel Slaughter House-Five. As mentioned previously, the alien race of Tralfamadorians in the book see time in its entirety and not in just the present (Vonnegut 27). Since the main character Billy can only see one moment at a time via the present, the Tralfamadorians say that he is grossly deceived (Vonnegut 115). Since the Tralfamadorians see time in its entirety, time as Billy sees it becomes irrelevant. Time to them never changes, so there is no longer a past, present, or future. Everything is how it was, is, and will be, and it will never change. Therefore, any notions of time in terms of future, present and past are completely irrelevant.

While many thinkers thought in terms of future, present and past, some theologians and writers chose to think outside the finite world and into eternity. What they found was that time was the ultimate façade. The absolute time and the relative time of so many thinkers and writers was to them a mere speck in the eye of eternity.

Thinkers and writers have pondered and written many theories of time, but time itself has passed them by. Now, over two thousand years since time passed Plato by, we are still stuck with the vital question that St. Augustine posed: “What then is time?” Is it an immutable, unchanging force like Shakespeare thought? Is it a pliable servant as Einstein theorized? Or is it the biggest façade of human existence like the denizens of The Divine Comedy realized? Or, could time be something beyond our own understanding? Could it be something that even Albert Einstein could not compute, something Thomas Aquinas could not imagine, and something Kurt Vonnegut could not understand? The day may come when time’s true nature is revealed to mankind. Until then, thinkers and writers must continue to seek it. After all, time is a terrible thing to waste.

~Jared

Rewriting the Storybook

http://jaredph.blogspot.com/2008/02/dismal-times.html

Its a funny thing. This post was a mere two weeks before I fell into atheism and experienced the worst time period of my life. How was it that I almost knew it was going to happen, even by just looking at the weather? Does God work in strange prophetic ways?

Yet how was it that I almost had foreknowledge of a storm yet I was powerless to avoid it? Powerless to get out of it? Powerless to fight back the inevitable darkness clothing me? If we did know things that would happen to us in the future, would we be able to stop them, or will Time just run its course anyways?

Its like a story that you've read a billion times. You wish that the sad parts could be changed, but it cant. In that respect, seeing your own future is just like reading your own storybook. Your the character and you follow the plot, but the plot will never change. It was, is, and always will be following the same path until those actions become cemented in the past, never to change again.

Does free will even exist? Or is it just an illusion created by our desire to change the inevitable? What control do we really have over what happens to us?

And will the storybook end up as a comedy or a tragedy?

~Jared

An Inconvienient Truth

I'd like to take this time that I would usually blog about materialism or immigrants and address an issue facing us all. I am, of course, talking about gnomes.


For centuries, gnomes all over the United States have been facing persecution from advocates of anti-gnomenism. As most people know, the great potatoe famine sent many gnomes over to ellis island, hoping to start a new life. However, their lives only got worse.

With the rise of industrialism, businesses began taking advantage of cheap immigrant labor, and gnomes were just one of the minorities used as cheap labor. Although their life was hard, the many years of working in coal mines and paving streets would not prepare them the utter life of misery they would endure with the rise of one of the most popular appliances: drying machines.

Because of their small size, gnomes were yanked from their homes, their families, everything they knew to work the many drying machines that were sold all over the country. They attempted to form a labor union to fight their imprisonment, but their cries fell on deaf ears. The gnomes were sad. Sadness turned to anger, which turned to acts of crime, namely stealing the socks that show up in their metalic prisons so as to make mankind suffer for their heinous crimes.

But be warned, the gnomes will not be passive for long. It wont be long until the gnomes turn violent in revolution, burning articles of clothing and wreaking havoc on suburban households. For the sake of all that is suburban, we embrace our gnome brothers in tolerance and equality, while embracing gnome-sound practices into our daily lives.

Do not wait, bretheren. Do not wait until they start taking more than our socks. Do not wait until the dryer machines stop working. Act now.

Until the gnomelution,

~Jared

Take me home. Yaweh, take me home.

When I Look At the World

I want to discuss some things, but I dont think I will be able to do that until I get some things off my chest.

Its truly a disheartening time when this is all you can see on the news:

Across Globe, Empty Bellies Bring Rising Anger
FOOD SHORTAGE ALARM AS PRICE OF RICE SOARS
Hunger in Haiti increasing rapidly
Where children are quite literally dying for a drink

I hope these are all articles that you might read and consider, since they deal with one of the most alarming things that is happening currently: the simple need for food. People all around the globe are suffering so much from the rising food prices, its making so many of them angry. Heres one quote from a Haitian quoted in a NYtimes article:

“They look at me and say, ‘Papa, I’m hungry,’ and I have to look away. It’s humiliating and it makes you angry.”

Most of these articles dont even mention the fact that most of these people are unemployed, and even people in our country are without jobs.

How screwed up a society we must live in for this not to be a concern to most people? I know alot of people rant about this, but the simplest of people can pick up a newspaper and look at what we have become: we know more about the lives of celebrities than about the state of the poor in our own city. Newspapers scrap real news for news about ex-American Idol stars. Everything is entertainment. Times Square in New York City is a great example of the state of our country. Flashing lights, advertisements, sound bites, video bites. Its a technicolor nightmare.

I guess thats one of the things I appreciate most about Jesus and how he came to Earth. He brought everyone back to the basics. He didnt tell everyone they needed to get steady jobs to be financially secure. He simply said, "Dont worry about what you will eat or wear tommorow. The LORD always provides." In fact, Jesus was more in favor of everyone selling their things and giving to the poor rather than being financially secure. All of the apostles left their steady jobs to follow Jesus. Its harder for a rich man to enter the Kingdom than a camel through the eye of the needle.

Honestly, if God really called you to sell ALL of your possessions you have today, would you do it? Dont give a Christianee answer, but think about it honestly. Would you really? ALL of your things? All of your money? Your house? The roof over your head? I'm not sure how I would even react to that.

I guess the roundabout point I'm trying to make is that we live in a culture that is so geared towards being well off financially and having insurance, but is always being concerned about money really what Jesus taught? Is it even what the Bible teaches? I heard one pastor say that having insurance was unGodly because it takes God out of the picture, making you put your trust in man instead. I might not be as radical as that, but I think he has a good point.

In the meantime, I originally started to write this post because I wanted to incite discussion amongst people with some questions I've been pondering lately. Please post your responses either via Facebook or Blogger.

1. Ultimately, will the world get better or get worse?

2. What is the most effective way to care for the poor? Will giving poor and third world countries money and provisions really help them in the long run?

3. Where do dreams come from? Why do we dream?

hope to get some awesome responses!

~Jared

You have encountered writers block! Do you:

a. cry and sob
b. write something rediculous
c. attempt to squeeze something out
d. run away

I was really hoping I was going to write something meaningful and powerful today. I wrote a poem today, which I guess completely sucked up all my blogging power. I must remember to monitor my inspiration more closely.

A limerick. yes, that sounds good.

I once met a kid who had said
that the the people in the world were all dead
I thought that he lied,
till I looked outside
and realized he was kind of right, in a weird, symbolic sort of way.

~Jared

From the Mall to the Goodwill

I've never known what it is, but malls scare me. Everything is always so white, and you can never find anything in there that you ACTUALLY need. Its almost like it is just one giant insane asylum for society, minus the padded walls.

To me, its a giant collection of everything I hate about our culture: flashy billboards, people soliciting you constantly, and advertising constantly reminding you of how you dont match up to the world's standards. Alot of you might say "Geez, man. Its just a mall." You may be right, since I tend to be a bit of a radical. However, there is something that doesnt sit well in my stomach when walking into a giant glittering collosuss of materialism, and its not just the cheap chinese food they serve there (what can I say? I'm a sucker for sesame chicken).

Strangely enough, the only place that I feel comftorable shopping at now is Goodwill. In reality, the whole place is one giant garbage dump for the middle class, whether its the old Barry Manilow records they are selling for a dollar or that strange man with the excess nose hair and strange accent that no one in the community is willing to talk to (I know a particular man who fits this description). The craziest thing is that I somehow feel so much more comftorable shopping among the maze of XXL shirts with the random people of my community than shopping among overpriced clothes with people who dont even know who they are. It makes me feel so much more at home.

I didnt know why this was, until I actually researched what Goodwill does. I was suprised to find out alot of this stuff, so I thought I might share it with you guys.

A quote from their website:

"Goodwill was founded in 1902 in Boston by Rev. Edgar J. Helms, a Methodist minister and early social innovator. Helms collected used household goods and clothing in wealthier areas of the city, then trained and hired those who were poor to mend and repair the used goods. The goods were then resold or were given to the people who repaired them. The system worked, and the Goodwill philosophy of "a hand up, not a hand out" was born.

We are North America’s leading nonprofit provider of education, training, and career services for people with disadvantages, such as welfare dependency, homelessness, and lack of education or work experience, as well as those with physical, mental and emotional disabilities. Last year, local Goodwills collectively provided employment and training services to more than 930,775 individuals."

The first thing that came to my mind was this: AMAZING. For the longest time, I thought it was just a store that sold crap no one wanted, but now I see how much more it is. I pray to God fervently that someday I would do something as worthwhile as this, because it is very much what is on my heart for the poor.

All I want to be able to do is help them, and no I dont mean throwing aid money at them and hoping their problems go away. That is exactly where our government has gone wrong. We have some sort of idea that giving money to the poor to spend should be the panacea to all their problems. Thats not what they need. They need people like Rev. Helms, who are willing to work themselves to death just so that people less fortunate than us could experience what all of us take for granted. A quote from him that I liked:

"Friends of Goodwill, be dissatisfied with your work until every handicapped and unfortunate person in your community has an opportunity to develop to his fullest usefulness and enjoy a maximum of abundant living."

Amazing man. If I could have one thing in my life, it would be to do something as influential and lasting as he did.

~Jared

no subject

what does that even mean anyways? its almost like that line defines what the entire message/post is going to be about, yet usually they're lying. Nevertheless, I find it quite appropriate in this circumstance...

Well, I finally got my phone interview with Score. From what I could tell, I think I did pretty well. I feel pretty positive about it, but only the first of week of April will be the defining point.

Am I a drummer? I guess time will tell that too...

btw: verse I have been thinking about- Ephesians 3:15-21

~Jared

Dismal Times

I have seen tempests, when the scolding winds
Have rived the knotty oaks, and I have seen
The ambitious ocean swell and rage and foam,
To be exalted with the threatening clouds:
But never till to-night, never till now,
Did I go through a tempest dropping fire.

And yesterday the bird of night did sit
Even at noon-day upon the market-place,
Hooting and shrieking. When these prodigies
Do so conjointly meet, let not men say '
These are their reasons; they are natural;'
For, I believe, they are portentous things
Unto the climate that they point upon.

Julius Caesar, Act I Scene III

As you can tell, ive had Shakespeare on the mind recently. Mostly because of the weather of late. Maybe its not like this in the other parts of Georgia, but I havnt even seen the sun today. Instead, there were just innumerable gray clouds rolling over, almost as if the wind on their backs would swallow time itself. Its been kind of crazy, and it really has started to remind me of Shakespeare. Whenever there was a storm in Shakespeare, you know some crazy stuff was about to go down.

As weird as it sounds, its made me very uncertain all day. This morning, I woke up to a thunder storm raging outside, and I almost feared for my life. I wish I knew what was going on, but if God indicates anything with weather, dismal times are ahead.

In fact, the weather itself is a pretty good description of my life right now. All is chaos, and nothing that seemed certain is even certain anymore. I more and more feel myself drifting away from this place, almost as much as this whole place seems to be drifting away from me. Of course, its still a very long time before I actually "go" anywhere, but things are already being put into place. Just like how everything starts to fall in to place by the second act. The question is, by the time I get to the final scene, will it be a comedy or a tragedy? (my vote is on the latter)

I always knew leaving home would be hard, but I dont think I ever thought it would be like this. The closer and closer the time comes for me to leave, the harder everything gets. The more storms rush in. The more people drift away. The more reality seems to slip away from me.

I think these next few months will be a trial by fire. It will be interesting to see who I come out as. I dont even think I will recognize myself.

All I know is rhat right now, what i'm praying is this:

LET IT RAIN


~Jared

(Part 5) A Dirge Unto Itself/(Part 6) Empty Room Revisited

Can you tell me, what is it you said before the lights went out?

Its the middle of the night, and here I am again. On my knees, begging for forgiveness that you wouldn't judge me too harshly for the things I've done. My red eyes strain from my self inflicted insomnia. Plunged in eternal dark, seeing the three of them laughing at me.

Whispered to me, and made me realize

Life is just a dirge unto itself.



What can you tell me teacher?

Does it all matter? Is it all meaningless? Please don't tell me that everything ive done in this world is all for naught. That it would be as fleeting as the setting sun and as fragile as the wind that blows to the South. That the entire world will just fall back on itself and leave me stranded between Heaven and Hell. I would rather go down fast then slowly sink in the vanity of it all.

Tell me it isnt. Dont make me realize.

Life is just a dirge unto itself.



Please don't let me fade from your view. Don't lose me in the waves of my misfortunes. The waters' deathly hold is all too familiar. It grasps my indifference with a loving hand, and pulls me down to the water below. Would you accept something so dear to me that is nothing to you? The blood that won't pay what can't be bought?

Please tell me. Make me realize.

Life is not a dirge unto itself






Dirty room...
Dirty mind...
Dirty things cropped up inside
It rolled back, as daylight covered dark
A speck in the eye of eternity thence has gone

An empty room...
A clean mind...
Silence takes to three great fading voices
The earth has rolled back, my name it called
I saw the day shoot through my empty room

for the first time, I think I might have called it home


~Jared

Insomnia

I can't sleep...

What even causes insomnia? Whenever I get insomnia, my mind starts running a million miles per minute, inventing crazy stories and adventures. Almost like dreaming, except wide awake. What does it all mean? Does it mean anything at all? The only things that come to my mind are questions, trying to explain the workings of my own mind.

Theres been so much death around me recently. Nobody I have personally known has died, but I know a lot of people who have friends that have died. Not to mention the fact that Valentines Day just passed, the day of the largest number of suicides and a recent school shooting. Where has the world gone? Where are we going? Where am I going?

Sometimes I feel like I want to be Jack Kerouac and drive across the country. Actually, I think I would like to drive across Mexico, from border to border. Just take three years of my life to not worry about a job or anything else, and just travel. See for myself the world I am haunted by everyday and want to be a part of, hitting my head against the wall until the day that I finally get to get to the other side. If I do, I'm sure it will make an awesome book.

I would be really afraid that I would live a boring life if I didn't know that God knew I loved adventure. I remember the days me and my siblings would read Peter Pan, dreaming and pretending to have adventures in the backyard. I think theres still a part of the little kid in me.

The playa haters today say that nobody gets to be an astronaut when they grow up, and you have to be realistic. I hate it when people say that. How on earth do you know if God's going to place you in the United States or make you an astronaut or send you to some Amazon tribe that doesnt speak your language? Thats the whole adventure in itself. Just following Christ and seeing where you end up. And then when it comes time to leave the earth, you can finally see that life was not nearly as confusing as you thought it was. You'd finally see that everything in your life had a meaning, and that God finally brought the whole adventure of your life full circle. To dust you came, to dust you return.

Ordinarily, I would try and bring this post to full circle, but I'm too tired to try.

You can figure the ending out for yourself...

~Jared

Cleaning Man

Thats what I became Saturday.

I was pretty bummed about it. My favorite spot to be in at work is working on boards, since I get to practice Spanish and not have to deal with stupid customers. Unfortunately, Saturday I was assigned to the exact opposite. Hearing conversations in English and having to mingle with the public while cleaning tables and asking people if they need refills. Bah.

I always found something weird about people who clean for a job. Especially the ones in China. All the cleaning people there had large, wide-brimmed, straw hats that covered their faces completely. Despite the fact that they cross the paths of tourists millions of times in a day, they never notice anybody, and nobody ever notices them. They are, in all practical meanings of the word, invisible. Its almost as if they don't even have souls or something. It really kind of creeps me out.

While not in the same magnitude, I experienced something very similar to that working in the dining room. Despite the fact that my presence is very real, people seem to just shut me out of their minds. I can swerve around them all the time to get a certain spot on the floor where a kid muddied his shoes, but they still might never even acknowledge my existence. I felt a lot like the cleaning people in China.

What is it about some people that we just shut them out of our minds? With cleaning people, most people would argue that it is kind of awkward to see someone cleaning (after all, what do you say to them? Enjoy minimum wage?). Sometimes we don't like to see other people doing work we could be doing ourselves, so we just pretend they don't exist. But do we only do it with cleaning people? Are there other people that we want to pretend arn't there?

Personally speaking (being the introvert that I am) I alot of times want to make myself dissapear. So, taking in the whole of humanity, it means that there is a whole sect of people in the world that are invisible, simply because people dont want to see them and they don't want to be seen.

I can see why alot of postal workers go insane. Being an ignored public servant and having everybody act like you do not exist can tax on your self-esteem and sanity. I can't imagine having to do it as my life career.

The moral of this story: People who clean have a hard job and get completely ignored, and they would all really appreciate it if you acknowledged their existence every once in a while. It might save you if they decide to come into work armed.

~Jared

A Speck in the Eye of Eternity

the title sounds epic, no?

Anyways, work sucked today. On many levels of which I dont feel like getting into right now. Although, for some reason all of that doesnt seem to matter, because when I got out of my car and looked up, all I saw were stars. Unusually enough, my thoughts were not "Oh, God is big," but rather "Oh, my life is insignificant." For the same reason, almost every thing I do (like working) seems extremely worthless. Like I am, as Solomon says, "grasping for the wind." I guess theres a reason Ecclesiastes is my favorite book of the Bible.

Solomon also said that there is no greater joy than for a man to enjoy his work. On this point I'm not so strong. Sometimes I'm wondering why I even have a job, but then I remembered the important word: money. Everything in this world seems to be about money. If you're not making the big bucks, then you're destitute and shunned by society. I wonder if Solomon had that in mind when he wrote Ecclesiastes.

In fact, I think that is one of the things that bothers me most about the world. Why is it there always has to be such a wall of seperation between people who have money and those who dont? Why is it your whole life has to be committed to being "well off" and wealthy?

I hate poverty. I hate how it dehumanizes people in both the eyes of themselves and of other people. I can never explain it, but something about seeing it makes me sick to my stomach. No matter how many times ive seen it, it never becomes "normal" to me.

I remember seeing the poverty in Tijuana. It was probobly the first time I had seen poverty that widespread, and it sickens me almost every day to think about it. People were living in conditions that I never even thought "livable" (whatever that means)

But you know what the craziest thing is? I envy them. Crossing the border as an emotionally unstable person that couldn't give a crap for anyone, I envied those I saw. They had something that I didnt have. They were happy. They cared for their families. They didnt care that they were'nt "well off," they just thanked God for the things they had.

I also remember one person I met at home ministry. It was an old man. A widow. He lived all alone, without children, in a small deserted shack, and as worse off as he was, he told us he still trusted God. You think YOUR faith has been tested?

I dont think I can bear to live with alot of money. It doesnt seem to give anyone pleasure. All people do is run off and do something stupid with it, and then die. I would rather be poor and happy than rich and miserable. I hate being constricted by the "American Dream." Its not my dream. Its someone elses.

This post has gone in circles, and I dont think I know where its gone. I have so many things I want to change, I just dont know how. But, I guess in all fairness I should tie it back to the title. Everything I do seems like a speck in the eye of eternity. Nothing. something that will be flicked out. Yet I know God can change things, even if I cant.

I just got to throw down my net.

~Jared

Beyond the Infinite

For some reason, this scene is an accurate description of my life right now:

I feel like I'm just hurtling through space, never sure of where I'm going. Not sure whats going to be on the other side. Just without the sickingly flashing lights.

Lets just hope I dont come out looking like this:


~Jared

I'm On My Way

Well, it is official. Next year, I am going to Costa Rica. After much prayer (and prayers from others) God has finally shown me, out of all the other projects, where to go. And it feels good to finally know I'm on my way.

Now comes filling out applications and praying that I get accepted into the college I want. I haven't heard back from any of them yet, unfortunately, but I guess it takes faith to know that God will put me in the right place.

I guess that is the defining thing in my life right now: faith. Recently I've discovered that faith takes a lot of sacrifice. While praying about whether I was supposed to go with Score International (the program I'm going with), all I could think of were a billion problems and doubts I had about going, and tons of reasons I shouldn't go. Despite all the reasons I shouldn't go, God kept giving me one single verse: Matthew 4:22, which reads as follows.

"and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him."

For some reason, it reminds me of something my ex-youth leader Daniel Gilland once said about counting the cost. That sometimes following God requires more of you than you are initially willing to give. Following God sometimes requires leaving people you won't ever see again, leaving the places you love, or, in my case, leaving Georgia and living 10 months in a foreign country that doesn't speak my language. At the same time, i'm also reminded of what the Apostles had to do to follow Jesus. Essentially, they subjected themselves to a life of ridicule, and, for most of them, martyrdom. My predicament is a little smaller in that respect.

All I know right now is that I am on my way out of here. It makes me kind of sad, but at the same time it really doesn't. I've been in a sort of pensive mood lately because of it. There is constantly a discrepancy between me wanting to run away to some country and never be seen again and me wanting to live a somewhat typical life in the United States (only to a degree though. See two posts prior for an explanation). I'm constantly wondering where I belong: in the field, or in the forest. As I have said to some people, reevaluating the line between sanity and calling.

I don't know the answer yet. All I know right now is that I'm on my way.

~Jared

I Fought Facebook and Facebook Won

Well, they finnally got me. For those of you who did not know already, Facebook has been warning me for several months that they were going to kick me off Facebook because I didnt go to the school I said I did, since my school isnt even listed. To stick it to the man, I wrote a letter.

Dear Facebook,

You kicked me off yesterday because I did not get identified by a fellow student at the high school I said I attended, despite that I have been friends with someone who was already in that network. You have been threatening to kick me off at the end of the month, which was nearly six months ago, but it seems that "terminate conniving non-student" was at the bottom of your to-do list. Indeed, you are correct in assuming that I am not part of the network I chose, and let me tell you why I decided to commit this heinous crime.

I joined the high school network closest to me because the school I currently attend, Fideles Christian School, is not on your school list. Despite my and fellow students' attempts at entering our school name into your enormous bureaucracy of a website in hopes that we might get a network of our own, you have ignored us for more than six months. Since you have shattered our hopes of recognition, you have forced me and so many other unrepresented students to go into a life of crime, maliciously joining networks that we do not actually belong to.

Heinous as our crime is, I want to suggest a compromise: If I get enough people at my small school that are already on Facebook to sign a petition, you give us our own network. Its simple isnt it? Nothing that a multi-million dollar corporation cannot take care of.

But be warned, Facebook. If you continue to squash our rights as students, you will become something that all grassroots corporations fear: THE MAN. A company that ignores the voice of the people and kills our rights. Now you dont want to be the MAN do you?

Anyways, please take time out of your extremely busy schedules to consider my proposal, in the spirit of democracy.

Sincerely,

Jared Hutchins

Well, I guess we'll have to wait and see how that sits with them. In the meantime, it looks apparent that I will probably never be on Facebook again, so this blog site is my only solace for blogging. Now I am truly a rebel.

Viva la revolucion.

~Jared

Thought of the Day

At school, one of the parents drove up in their car with a small, annoying, barking, rat.

I mean, forget deporting the immigrants. If anything needs to go back to Mexico its these things:



~Jared

The Game of Life

In this post, I am going to address probobly my greatest fear in life (no, its not heights even though they do make me nervous)

You ready?

Here it is.



I'm not sure how many people have played the Game of Life, but it's a board game where you have a spinner and move around the board, doing things like getting a job, getting married, having kids, and getting a raise. In most cases, the Game of Life is the typical suburban lifestyle: you go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, and then you retire and die.

I played this game alot when I was a kid and I remember always getting really angry because of the stop signs. In the game, you could spin around the board until you hit a stop sign. Even though you might have only moved one space and you spinned a 10, you have to stop and do what the sign said. The stop signs always say things like get a job, get married, or buy a house, and you had to do what it said, regardless of your feelings about it. Being a typical 7 year old boy, I always got really angry when I had to stop and get married (since girls are yucky).

That wasnt even the worst part. The end of the game bothered me the most. On the way, you got a job and made money. At the end, you have to count up your money and see which retirement home you get to go into: the pitiful log cabin or the giant mansion. It's then that you realize that all the game was about was money. It didnt matter that you had kids or a wife. All they did was cost you money. Money you could have used to get into the giant mansion.

Now, that game scares me. I am often terrified that my life will be like that. Just a one way road to retirement and death, with a few stop signs along the way, forcing me to live some idiot's idea of "life." Then, you would look back and realize what you lived wasnt life at all. It was just a pointless existence based on getting money and being forced into jobs, marriages, and houses you never wanted. What kind of twisted person could call that "life?"

Probobly the same twisted person that wants to brainwash you into a suburban lifestyle. It even says it on the box. "Hi! We're a stereotypical consumer whore family! Now go get a house in the suburbs and have two kids so you can waste your life being a cubicle slave!" What family even looks that happy while playing a board game? I dont know about anyone else, but playing board games with my siblings usually meant that one of us was going to be telling on someone by the time we were through.

I guess what i'm getting at is that our culture needs a better definition of "life." I am terrified of living the game of life, but so many of us are living it because we think that's all we have. A wise man once said "If you're awesome, be awesome." Our whole world needs to stop thinking in the mold that society has said we should live in. We need to start realizing our full potential as God's children. I dont think that God have every wanted our lives to be limited to houses, jobs, and getting married. To quote an annoyingly popular song, "We were meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves."

One last thing to add. If you ever see me, twenty years from now, living in the suburbs with a wife and two kids playing stupid board games,

Please punch me in the stomach

~Jared